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 Q : what do you do with 365 used rubbers?
 A : Melt it down make a tyre and call it a good year.

What part of the car causes the most accidents?
The nut that holds the wheel.

California Driving.
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received
on exams givenby the California Department of Transportation's
driving school.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light  and a
flashing yellow traffic  light?
A: The color.

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dick all day long.

When the family buys a new car:
Father's question:"How many miles to the gallon?"
Mother's question:"What colour is the upholstery?"
Daughter's question: "Has it a good mirror"
Son's question: "How fast will she go?"
Neighbours question: "Where the blazes did they get the money?"

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the
police clerk
handed him a reciept for his traffic fine.
"Keep it," the clerk advised. " When you get four of them, you get a

In the application form for a new driver's licence one question
was,"Have you ever been arrested?"
The applicant put down."No".
The next question was,"Why?" The applicant put down,"Never been

Customer to used-car salesman:"What I  would like is a car that runs
as smoothly as you talk."

"How come the right side of your car is painted green and the left side
is painted yellow?"
"In the event of any accident and if it comes up in court you should
hear the witnesses contradict each other!"

"So your husband refused to buy you a car?"
"He didn't actually refuse. He said he thought I ought to become more
familiar with machinery in general before I started driving. So he
bought a washing machine to start on."

"What happened to your speedometer?"
"I didn't need it, so I took it out and sold it."
"Didn't need it? How can you manage without it?"
"Easy, at 20 mph the exhaust rattles, at 30 mph the door rattles, and
at 40 mph I rattle."

Driving instructor:"Now madam, this is the gear lever ; down there
there is the clutch on the left; and next to it, in the middle, is the
brake; and next to that, on the right, is the accelerator."
Lady:"Just a minute! Let's take one thing at a time.
Teach me to drive first."

"you're getting a new car? But the one you had was a swell job."
"Its a whim of my wife's."
"Why don't you put your foot down?"
"Not with my wife. She has a whim of iron."

A man stopped at a small town garage and told the mechanic,"
whenever I hit eighty, there's a terrible knocking in the engine."
The mechanic gave the vehicle a prolonged and thorough
examination, and after much testing, wiped the grease from his hands
and drawled,"I don't see nothing wrong, mister. It must be the good
Lord a-warning you."

"Charlie says he's going to have bigger wheels fitted to his mini-car."
"dogs keep wetting the windows."

 "How is the car you brought?"
"The only part of it that dosen't make a noise is the horn."

"I turned the way I signalled," said the lady driver, indignantly, after
the smash.
"I know it," retorted the man. "That's what fooled me!"

Q : whats the speed limit for sex?
 A : 68, cause after that you got to turn around.

A police officer stopped a car which was zigzagging alarmingly and
asked the driver what he was doing.
"I'm learning to drive," was the reply.
"What? without an instructor?" exclaimed the officer.
"Oh yes," answered the driver." It's a correspondence course."